CLICK HERE to watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojDPH4QCZ18
You’re at a bar or a club and you want to make the first move on a hottie you spot across the room. What’s the best (and worst) way to break the ice? Ana Kasparian and Samantha Lamb explore this very challenging question.
Comments
Hm, not many comments. I’m surprised. Then again, I think about you guys as a full-fledged news network with millions of viewers, but I guess common sense isn’t that popular these days. Anyway. Decided to create an account and give you a piece of my mind on this ^^; will check out the site some more.
Imagine a gorgeous woman, a head spinner (not because of her attire), who gets up every morning, gets herself together, enhances her attractiveness, and goes about her day. And imagine how she is approached by guys every day. Perhaps imagine some of the common approaches. She keeps running into guys who are interested in her one way or another, who approach her subtley or less subtley. And some of the ways people approach her happen over and over and over again. Some men are direct, and most are trying to sneak in pretending to be interested in a casual conversation. After a while of this, she starts to have assumptions about any man who starts a conversation with her.
If you play this tape for 10 years of her life, what do you think she starts to feel about the not too confident men, and the usual ways people approach her? Does she respect the men? Does she put any value in compliments about her physique or any complements at all from strangers? She continues getting her hair and face, appearance just right every morning, but she is almost never rejected by guys, and can afford to be picky, very picky. In fact, she is probably instantly annoyed with and tired of any guy she doesn’t know who tries to chat up to her, if it doesn’t click for her.
Yes, having new friends is nice, and yes, perhaps she is lonely and questions herself, and whether she will get to be with someone with a backbone, who doesn’t melt in her presence, who treats her as a human being, but.. Now imagine what its like for the guy who noticed her on the street, going someplace she needs to be, perhaps in a timely fashion, or in a bar with her friends (could be guys in there, most likely some girlfriends: why would she go somewhere like that to have fun by herself? Her life is great and she has great friends, and they will shut the guy down unless he wins them over first, and its even likely that they know how tired she is of getting approached by random men)…
His body language needs to convey confidence. He needs to be enjoying himself and having fun. He needs to be fun and interesting. His voice needs to be heard in the loud environment (thats why some women go to the loudest clubs). He needs to have some input, some value that he can offer her. He needs to seemingly effortlessly go through all that conditioning she got because of all the other guys who entered her space. If he invests himself into the approach and cares about what she thinks of him, if he seeeks her approval, he will be shut down, possibly humiliated, and he won’t get to know what she is like. Or perhaps she will play nice and he will get her number, but she won’t pick up the phone. She will be friendly with him (maybe she is having a great day and doesn’t want to ruin his), but is not interested in any way shape or form.
And she might be having a bad day, is in a hurry, and yes, not interested in being approached today. Hell, her dog might have died, and she is not about to have this number one million seven hundred thousand six hundred fifty four chat up to her, wanting to get in her pants, by the looks of him. He might not have any agendas, and just wants to get to know her, being attracted to her as he is, to see what she is about, if there is a beautiful mind to the charming physique… saying hi doesn’t seem enough to break the distance between their worlds, so he comes up with something cheezy to make her smile. He isn’t smooth. He is just a guy who knows she probably heard anything he might say a thousand times. On a good day she might smile.
I hope that bit explains the intimidation, and why I think “hi” isn’t that great of a line, unless the guy has his act together, and many things go right for him.
I disagree with coffee being a bad first date. Any/every first date is going to have awkward pauses. It comes with the territory. I’ve been doing the online dating thing for a few now and originally did drinks and split some appetizers but after some real duds, have backed it off to just coffee (and by dud, the worst one only talked about south park the whole time….I guess she was nervous?). That way I’m not out much money and if it’s bad I don’t feel bad cutting it short and leaving with a nice cup of coffee in hand. As for approaching women in a bar setting, if I want to say I go over and say “Hi”. Sometimes they are bitchy and sometimes they are nice and it leads to a conversation, shared drinks, and a number or better by the end of the night. It’s a gamble, you just know the bitchy ones are out there and you just have to let them roll off like water on a duck. As long as you know and are comfortable with yourself, it’s easy enough to talk to any woman (minus the bitchy ones). The hard part has become finding one you truly like and get along with. Hence I got into the online dating thing to try and narrow it down a bit better than “cold calling” in bars. Just one man’s opinion and experiences.
I only used it once, to introduce a friend to a stranger.
I wanted to make sure I wasn’t overstepping my bounds, so I ask the young lady-
‘Pardon me, is your heart spoken for?’
I got her phone number for him, so I guess it worked.
I deff need to get on one of the coasts, cause there’s basically a dead zone for realistic people in the middle if the country it seems like. Women, and guys for that matter too, seem to feel that whole “holier than thou” complex in the bible thumpin’ midwest. I’m a world traveler, and I promise you, between Chicago and Denver, no good for clubs or bars. Guess my line has always been, “hello” and i introduce myself. But if the girl has the intelligence of a half retarded pigeon i’m tagging out. I can’t handle stupid. Its the small town mindset I think. The people here have never been in a “real” city for more than a vacation and still have that extremely self-righteous “i’m special” mindset.
My name is Ken, and I urge you never to travel to the midwest.
You are both so adorable!
Nice job!
Unfortunately, most woman just don’t seem to care about me saying hello!
However, to be fair I haven’t really tried to actually pick woman all that often lately.
I certainly will take your advice very seriously, as it makes a great deal of sense.
Anna, I am a big fan of yours as well as TYT!
I think you are very Real, Sensible, Smart, Caring, Sweet, and just plain Cute!!
Do I need any more adjectives? LOL!
I just simply think You are Great.
Thanks so much for what You do.
Have a very happy and safe New Year, and those wishes go to your entire family as well.
Your Friend,
Joe
xo
If women are picking up on men then it definitely doesn’t happen here. Most women around here are cold shouldered and don’t really care to talk to you for whatever reason I have rarely seen a girl pick up a guy.
I don’t even think about it being as intimidating approaching a woman but more along the lines that if you don’t say the right things or make the right gestures you ruin your chances to even speak with the women even as friends and that is usually has to be how a relationship starts out anyways.